Back at the beginning of this journey I explained why I chose the name Yellow Dot. In it I talked about Rogers’ Core Conditions; Congruence, Unconditional Positive Regard and Empathy. This is the second of three pieces written to expand on those concepts – this one is all about Unconditional Positive Regard.
As always, my first instinct is to break down the jargon. “Regard”, is how we see and consider someone. Positive regard requires us to see someone in a positive way – think about love and respect and you come close. “Unconditional” means that we put no conditions on that love or respect.
Essentially, showing Unconditional Positive Regard requires us to be non-judgemental.
But let me pause right there because I need to differentiate between people and their behaviours (what they do). People are NOT their behaviours. Sometimes the people we care about do things we do not approve of, they behave in a way we consider to be “bad”. You do not have to accept or respect the behaviour but doing something “bad” does not make someone a “bad” person. Would you want to be judged and labelled by your worst behaviour?
I have talked before about failure being an important part of learning, we all make mistakes, it is how we learn and grow as human beings. Sometimes those mistakes can be harmful and hurtful to others but it is much easier to discuss the failure with someone if you don’t fear losing their regard.
Growth is supported by acceptance. Unconditional Positive Regard is an attitude that values us even when our failings are known. It is a profound relief to drop a mask, confess our worst feelings and behaviours and to trust that we are still accepted.
Unconditional Positive Regard is an essential part of every healthy relationship, close family or great friendship. It is also an integral and essential part of a productive coaching or counselling relationship
Personal growth happens when we are free to be spontaneous, to make mistakes and to engage with life without fearing a loss of esteem from our loved ones.
Click on the button below if you need a little Unconditional Positive Regard in your life.